My return to God

My coming to God isn't really all that spectacular. My journey could better be called a returning to God. As a child, I was raised by a mother who held a deep belief in God. She made sure that my two brothers and I went to church and Sunday school. This built, so I thought at the time, a solid foundation of belief and a life with God. What we think as a child isn't always what we know as an adult. I can look back on those days and wonder how I could've wandered so far.

After leaving home for service in the Navy, I stopped going to church. No, it wasn't the military's fault, it was mine. I figured that since I was an adult I knew everything. The only time I thought about God was when things didn't go as I'd planned. At those times I'd ask "Why me Lord?" When things went well I'd think to myself "Look what I did."

Even through my four years of college it was more of the same. I never got involved in the drugs or heavy drinking so often associated with college life, but there were things I did which weren't very nice. You're probably wondering what was so bad. Since this is my testimony, I should just let it out. I don't think that's really necessary. Only God needs to know. Let me just say that I'm ashamed of some of the things I've done. From today's perspective, my life wasn't so good after I turned my back on God. Nothing seemed to go the right way, people didn't always trust me, and I alienated many of my friends.

It's funny sometimes what will plant the seed of God's truth in a person's heart. Believe it not, my seed was a quote from a movie. In The Stand (by Stephen King), Mother Abigail is talking to Nick Andros. Nick tells her he doesn't believe in God. Mother Abigail responds by saying "It don't matter . . . he believes in you." I thought about that quote many times.

I've always loved gospel music. Yes, even after turning my back on God. I think this was because I believed in God and the lessons I learned at church. I just thought I didn't need any help to get through life. I didn't spend a great deal of time worrying about the religious stuff. I hadn't quite realized there was something missing in my life. My mom and I finally got a chance to attend our first Gaither Homecoming concert. Some of you may have heard similar stories. That concert completely changed my life. I don't remember the song but, when Jessy Dixon started singing, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of the Holy Spirit moving me. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior that night.

No, I'm not perfect. I once heard someone compare a growing Christian to a building under construction. I agree. I've accepted God's free offer of salvation and confess Jesus is Lord and Savior. I know God has forgiven my sins. I realize he accepts me despite my imperfections and will stand beside me and guide me. Life isn't always easy as a Christian because some people just don't understand us, but now I have the great I AM to help me over the rough spots. I often use the name COG1999 as my username in chat rooms. By using the name I'm reminded of a great truth - I am a child of God. The number is the year I became a Christian.

I repeatedly thank God for taking me back after all I've done. My writings in my books and at places such as this forum are my way of sharing his love for me with others. I believe this is God's way of using me to help other people.